Following NFL Kneeling Incidents, Wheelchair Community Criticized for Being Un-American

Following NFL Kneeling Incidents, Wheelchair Community Criticized for Being Un-American

The NFL kneeling controversy has only grown in the past month as players protest by kneeling during the anthem.  Many across the country, including President Trump,  have called this protest anti-American.  “America is great because we stand for those defending our country,” said Dick Erekht, standing expert, “But there are those who defile this great nation by failing to do so.”   

Dick is not the only one who feels passionately about this issue.  A coalition of “standers” known as the NSA (National Standing Association) has gathered to weed out “un-American sitting” and discovered an incredible statistic: 0% of people in wheelchairs stand during the anthem.  

Thomas Roe, a man paralyzed from the legs down, was directly affected by the NSA movement.  “I was kicked out of a football game for not standing for the flag, but I think I can demonstrate my patriotism in other ways.”

Standers disagree.  Trump was the first to respond in force to Mr. Roe’s comments, tweeting:   

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A rally in front of the White House chanted, “Stand Up or You Suck,” protesting wheelchair communism, socialism, AND environmentalism.  

“I don’t know what any of these words mean but I don’t like them,” an angry protester yelled.  

“I feel like I lack the emotional maturity or empathy to really understand that standing is harder for those who use a wheelchair,” another explained vigorously.  “But despite my ignorance, I hate them all with a burning passion.”

But the NSA’s battle has just begun.  Babies, fat old men eating nachos at home, and people who sit to hold in explosive flatulence have felt the heat.  “Goo goo gah.  Goo goo. Gah,” explained Charlie, a four month old infant.  The battle for America’s soul is underway, but Charlie and people like him aren’t going to stand without a fight.

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