Travel Ban to Keep Chad Inside U.S.

Travel Ban to Keep Chad Inside U.S.

The Trump administration recently announced several additions to the controversial travel ban. With this news come concerns about the ramifications for white, upper- and middle-class males between the ages of 18 and 22.

The decision to add Chad to President Trump’s travel ban has raised eyebrows, but The Slant was able to gather additional information from an anonymous source on Capitol Hill.

“The decision to restrict the travel privileges of Chads are less about homeland security than about international relations,” the source explained. “President Trump hopes that by keeping Chads within our own borders, we can present ‘simply the best’ America has to offer to the rest of the world.”

Urban Dictionary defines the term “Chad” as “a tool; someone who gets everything handed to him; a douche-bag.” The term has at times been synonymous with “bro” and “broseph.” However, the Trump administration is working hard to generate a stricter definition. Our source noted that, “The ability to shotgun a beer in under 4.83 seconds [would] create issues” for those seeking to leave the U.S. as of October 18th. Some other red flags include:

  • Brands such as Sperry, Polo, Ralph Lauren, Nautica, Vineyard Vines

  • Armani cologne

  • Sunglasses worn inside and/or at night

  • Cut t-shirts, jerseys, denim shorts, baggy gym shorts (in any combination)

  • Degree in business, business management, marketing, economics, corporate strategies, or finance

  • GPA hovering around 2.8

  • Tribal tattoos

  • “Bling”

Our research estimates that there are approximately 87 identifiable Chads in Vanderbilt Greek Life, and The Slant reached out to several fraternities on Vanderbilt’s campus for comment. We received a statement from IFC asserting that they “intend to stand by all brothers equally, regardless of determinations made by President Trump’s administration.”

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